i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What drink are we having for lunch?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
