The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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