I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
