Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
