My nipple is on Facebook.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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