he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
