The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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