we're blogging at a bar
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
