Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
