I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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