I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
