you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
