i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
