If i come over, it means nothing
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
