Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
