just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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