Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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