Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
