His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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