This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize