I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
