Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
