i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
