also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
