Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
