Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
