??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Operation Purity has been aborted
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
