Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
