I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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