I think i peed on brittanys purse
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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