She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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