I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
