I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
