He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you never un-have a 4some
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
