How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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