I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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