Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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