You smell like stripper and shame
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
