who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
