Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
