im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize