Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
