well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I sprained my soul last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
