I feel great
I just peed on a car
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
