why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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