thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
