You don't have asthma, your pregnant
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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