grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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