"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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