Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
