I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
