You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
