And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
