The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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