god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
