But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
