I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
