I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
