I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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