thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
