you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
