hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
