Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
